I have decided to quit smoking, It is going to be the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I have quit before but I always go back.
This time I am done.
A friend of mine sent me a link for a YouTube video and it had such a strong impact on me that I decided to quit starting today. This woman was 41 and was diagnosed with TERMINAL lung cancer, 41?
That's me in 6 years! 6 years? I guess I always thought meh I will quit before I get cancer! I loved smoking and I am petrified to quit, It's my best friend! I live to smoke.
Everything I do revolves around my next smoke, working, cleaning, shopping, eating talking on the phone.
I know that this is going to be tough but really a smoke is my best friend. My smoke is with me when I am sad, when I am having fun, stressed, so tired in the morning, when I can't sleep, when I am driving. Oh that best friend smoke is great and is everywhere and right there for me but is slowly killing me.
Shouldn't my best friend be my husband? or the children I brought into this world not a smoke?????
After watching this video about Barb Tarbox I started thinking how can I smoke? I and most of the other smokers I know want to quit. Oh... we have every good intention but so we are not miserable for a few weeks we keep smoking. How stupid is that?
I don't want to be miserable for 2 weeks? I am worried about being mean to my family and friends for 2 weeks? This will not compare to looking my babies and husband in the eyes and telling them I am dying, I chose to smoke so I would not be miserable to you and now I am leaving you.
Will I be able to say, Rebecca .I am going to miss your wedding, your mother will not be there because I didn't want to be grumpy to you for a few weeks? because this is a reality. I could die and leave my daughter without a mother at her wedding because I smoke.
I wonder how it would feel to say to Nick, I won't be there Nick for the birth of your baby because I smoked. Sorry Nick I really wanted to quit but just never made a real attempt I didn't want to be grumpy to you and now you don't have your mom and your child never knew me?
And to my husband what will I say to him. John I am sorry that I am dying leaving you a widow because I just loved smoking. I would leave my husband, my soul mate a widow because I just never got around to quitting, The man that grew up without a mom. He lost her to cancer when he was 3 or 4 and I am choosing to smoke KNOWING that it will kill me because I like it.
So I know the next few days I am sure to be crying and grumpy and striking out at the people I love the most but I hope the remember I am doing this because I need to quit because I don't want to die. I do not want to say goodbye to my family early because I smoked.
I have already been snappy, crying and I think I just may go take a nap.
