No smoking day 1

Quitting smoking Day 1

I have decided to quit smoking, It is going to be the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I have quit before but I always go back.

This time I am done.

 A friend of mine sent me a link for a YouTube video and it had such a strong impact on me that I decided to quit starting today.  This woman was 41 and was diagnosed with TERMINAL lung cancer, 41?

That's me in 6 years! 6 years?  I guess I always thought meh I will quit before I get cancer! I loved smoking and I am petrified to quit, It's my best friend! I live to smoke.

 Everything I do revolves around my next smoke, working, cleaning, shopping, eating talking on the phone.
 I know that this is going to be tough but really a smoke is my best friend. My smoke is with me when I am sad, when I am having fun, stressed, so tired in the morning, when I can't sleep, when I am driving. Oh that best friend smoke is great and is everywhere and right there for me but is slowly killing me.

 Shouldn't my best friend be my husband? or the children I brought into this world not a smoke?????

 After watching this video about Barb Tarbox I started thinking how can I smoke? I and most of the other smokers I know want to quit. Oh... we have every good intention but so we are not miserable for a few weeks we keep smoking. How stupid is that?

 I don't want to be miserable for 2 weeks? I am worried about being mean to my family and friends for 2 weeks? This will not compare to looking my babies and husband in the eyes and telling them I am dying, I chose to smoke so I would not be miserable to you and now I am leaving you.

 Will I be able to say, Rebecca .I am going to miss your wedding, your mother will not be there because I didn't want to be grumpy to you for a few weeks? because this is a reality. I could die and leave my daughter without a mother at her wedding because I smoke.

I wonder how it would feel to say to Nick, I won't be there Nick for the birth of your baby because I smoked. Sorry Nick I really wanted to quit but just never made a real attempt I didn't want to be grumpy to you and now you don't have your mom and your child never knew me?

And to my husband  what will I say to him. John I am sorry that I am dying leaving you a widow because I just loved smoking. I would leave my  husband, my soul mate a widow because I just never got around to quitting, The man that grew up without a mom. He lost her to cancer when he was 3 or 4 and I am choosing to smoke KNOWING that it will kill me because I like it.

So I know the next few days I am sure to be crying and grumpy and striking out at the people I love the most but I hope the remember I am doing this because I need to quit because I don't want to die. I do not want to say goodbye to my family early because I smoked.

I have already been snappy, crying and I think I just may go take a nap.

First day of School!

So today is the first day of school. I got lot's of sleep and I came home to a clean house :) Yay I am so excited, and she is not in the mean girl's class. She has the same teacher as last year who she liked so that is a great start. Unfortunately Marcus is in this mean girls class I hope he doesn't put up with her crap this year.

We celebrated the first day of school by going out for breakfast! I love Angels they have a great breakfast for cheap but it always aggravates my stomach so breakfast day's are over for a bit.

So today I contacted Girl Guides for Rebecca. I am so super happy about this for years I have been trying to get her to start but she never had an interest. I feel that this will be perfect for her and I think it is wonderful. I also contacted church for her to start Blast which used to be pioneer clubs. I think that she will like it just as much as she did before. I will be contacting for Nick to go to youth too. I think it will be a blast and he can meet some new people there.

Great start to a new year

Welcome Home Bubbles!!!

My cat is home!!!!

I came home last night and in my living room was Bubbles the cat. She has been missing for 3 weeks, I secretly think that my cat has mental issues in the month of August, this is the second year that she has ran away so this time I was not as concerned as I was last year when she left for 6 weeks.

Anyway my friend Mike found her and came and got John. When he called her she ran right up to him like she wasn't missing for 3 weeks. She is pretty skinny but is eating like a champ so in no time she will gain it all back. She is so cuddly today too which is nice but I'm already getting annoyed hahaha.She keeps meowing at the backdoor to go out but I'm scared she will take off again so I will try my best to keep her in.

It's the most wonderful night of the year!!! So super excited to have these kids get back to school! I really hope Rebecca get's a great teacher and she is not in the same class as the little witch that bullied her last year. I have never ever had an issue with her going to school until last year when that little snot was in her class, I talked to the principal and we agreed that this wench wouldn't be in her class so I am hoping that he remembers and I don't have to have a meeting right at the beginning of the year.

Oh well off to get laundry done for the school day.

hmmm Thought I would give it a shot

So I thought I would try and Blog

I cannot believe it I decided to try to blog. I am so sure that this will last all of about 2 weeks and then My ADD mind will move on. I am a person that does this often just ask all of my friends. I start many many things. I become obsessed and talk about it and then...move on. I get bored easy.

I have not decided exactly what it is I will write about but meh I never shut up so I am pretty sure I can figure it out.

So I am super excited as school starts in 2 days yay.  It's not that I don't want my kids here but I really really miss the schedule of school. Let's face it my kids NEVER go to bed. I do not ever get a break and I am dragging myself to work because I am not sleeping properly. My house is a mess because they trash my house all day while I am working. Yippee for sleep and a organized house.

I have also convinced myself that once school is in that I will actually start to track for my weight watchers for some reason this has become a major problem for me, I KNOW that it is a must but can't get myself to do it. Every week I leave my meeting with the greatest intentions of tracking everything I eat.

By the time I get home I just can't get myself to do it, I need to do this in order to lose quicker.

I know that I have done so well..I mean I have lost over 70 pounds but I just can't stop beating myself up that I could do so much better. I am proud of what I have accomplished but I want to actually finish this journey this time. I really just need to get my ass in gear and track and exercise,my goal this week is to exercise 3 times and hopefully I can, I think I always expect too much and DREAD it. I know I can do it and will :)

This week will be amazing the kids will be adjusting to the new school year and I will be starting to tone this body which I think looks like a frog hahaha